for example...

i woke up early and ate pancakes with grandma.


this is what life is.

man o man is breakfast great. waking up early is the best if you can ever get around to it.




but sometimes nights are restless and there is something altogether missing. there are so many distractions, but none seem worthwhile.

i'm planning my escape from everything. i can't take the same over and over, i can't take working just to scrape by, i can't take the possibility of too many potential failures, so i will start over when the weather gets warm.

SAY GOODBYE TO EVERYTHING YOU HATE!

after today

i will never see you again.

haha, how funny was yesterday?

messed up.

cap'n krump.





ahh boy the choices we make!

i drink too much

i don't even know where you come from. i don't even know where you are! how embarrassed i'd be if you knew that this was about you! but i do, i do. i know your story and i knew you.

knew.


i don't even know what is what. everything swirls at this time of night, but it helps the creative process. some things make me ME more than i can ever make myself! isn't that silly?

this is stupid.



i find it so amazing that the people whose lives i was a part of for so long can go on and pretend that i was never there in the first place! years mean nothing to me. i guess i just care more than anyone else. its not me, its you. the whole deal.

this is not what i mean to write. i wanted to get sauced and write beautiful poems like i used to, but i guess every fountain runs dry at some point.

judging by how many people read this, i'm guessing this is solely for nikki. i hope she reads it.

i found a letter from june 16 2004 today. i love you. it doesn't matter. not now. everything is elsewhere. this wasn't about you until now. the rest is about girls that don't exist and never did in the first place.


diamonds, diamonds, diamonds.

i will strip the bark from trees and write everything you've ever wanted to know about the leaves.

home

there's nothing better than being immersed in a full wave of nostalgia. nothing better than the feeling that this place is home -- this is where i belong.

watching the midnight sky from my old gravel driveway, i can see the lights from the nearby city on the horizon. i smoke a cigarette with my cat as we walk the length of the gravel to the road. there is no sound, save for a mew here and there, and i've never felt so comfortable being completely alone.

why stop living in the past? there's so much good left in it. this place will always be my home, and i was so immature to not see all of the possibilities that i've left untouched. living in the middle of nowhere isn't always so bad -- breakfast on the griddle, splitting firewood, growing a beard and wearing flannel. this is what i've always wanted and i've never realized it until now. i want to live in nature for a while, until the city calls me back.

i want to be the salt of the earth.

there is a bone-crushing loneliness that comes with drinking a twelve-pack and doing resin hits in the early morning that can't quite be explained. the last matchstick burns itself out. sobriety surrounds and then swallows you whole.

i'm still me. i'm still me. it's still me.
it's still me.

it's still me.

between a place and a rock

its autumn and i just wanted to say that i dont care. not that its autumn, but about you. selfish, shallow, and childish. i dont know how i couldnt see that none of it really mattered. at least, to one of us, that is.


anywho, heres a picture.

i don't know

i have no idea

forgot about this

ghost latitudes

you're fucked now

6 days

everything has been entirely boring lately on a very grim level. i've been slow to pick up any creative tools, despite picking up my old film slr camera. plans to sneak into the old hydro plant have been put on hold due to the rainy weather. also, plans are in the works to rent an art studio once i'm out from under this mountain of debt. i need to be closer to life.

driving school

swampthang

go on, git

exploring

goldmine

find the gnome, win a prize

gritty city.... shit happens

two for one special

this great american wasteland

reminds me of nik

the vast wilderness can't contain me. today i scaled mountains.